five loaves and two fish

24 March 2022

---

As of late, I have been waking up feeling inadequate. Mornings are new and fresh, but my heart has not been echoing kind morning sentiments. Instead of stepping into quiet time with my Father who loves me, I find myself often getting tangled up in lies of comparison, envy, feeling behind, and feeling like I will never get to where I want to be. And it can feel like there is no way out.

This may be because summer is peeking its head around the corner and/or, perhaps it is because we live in a world that applies the ideals of a capitalistic society to our own human value; i.e., my worth is rooted in what I can output. This lie that sneaks into our minds is only heightened by the presence of social media, a frenzy of “look what I did” and “you can be better if you do this,” as if who you are when you wake up in the morning, bedhead and all, is not enough.

Now, of course, people love to be productive. It was put in our nature when we were created by the hands of the Father. One of my favorite passages in the Bible is when Paul is assuring Timothy that he can be a powerful influence for Christ.

“Do not neglect your gift, which was given to you through prophesy when the counsel of elders laid their hands on you” (1 Timothy 4:14).

Listen to this: there is only one of you. Out of all these beautiful people in the world, there is only one you! You were created so intricately and intentionally before the beginning of time, appointed for right now. Every detail of your being was knit together carefully and with delight by Your Father, who looks at you and says, “oh yes, this is very good.” You are set apart, you have something the world needs.

This is where comparison can come in and have the potential to steal our joy like a thief in the night. Feelings of “I need to do what she’s doing” or “I would be looked at as praiseworthy if I looked like that.” Truly, although incredibly valid due to how loud the world is, these thoughts break our Father’s heart. By design, exhibiting the wild splendor and diverse display of the beauty of God’s kingdom, we are all made differently and are on different paths, and that is okay. In fact, it is very good. He is doing a new thing in you.

You are loved because you are a child of God. He alone has authority and He calls you His beloved. His Tirzah, Hebrew for “she is my delight.” He looks at you while you rest and delights. He looks at you while you play and delights. He wipes your tears and He calls you His own. He is proud of you. Look at how far you two have come, together.

And the same goes for your neighbor.

Maybe I am the playful melody of a violin and you are the deep vibrato of a cello; we are both sensational to listen to on our own. However, we do not look alike, we do not sound alike, but we both move people to tears. And together, oh together, our moderations dance intertwined through the air and reveal a new dimension as heaven kisses earth, a taste of the glory of God.

We crave purpose, we crave adding something no one else can add to the world, and to leave our mark. We feel good when we set goals and reach them! This is a beautiful thing. May we operate first out of a place of knowing our own belovedness, as well as knowing our brothers’ and sisters’ belovedness. May we begin to transform our hearts with the renewing of our thoughts, by living in a gentle place of thankfulness and assurance of His hand on our lives. And may we be content that as we partner with God in pursuit of our dreams, He is our portion and His love is enough.

Remember, hurry is not in God’s nature, and nothing is too small for God. In fact, He adores small beginnings!

In Mark 6, Jesus went away with His disciples to rest and eat in a boat to a “solitary” place. Many people heard of this and ran over to where they were and Jesus, tired and hungry from the day, has a heart for these people —five thousand total— and began teaching. \As it was getting dark, His disciples grew concerned for the people’s safety and hunger and recommended sending the people back to the country before dark. Jesus calls them to “give them something to eat,” a tall task for only having five loaves of bread and two fish. Stressed, they expressed that it would take half a year of hard working to be able to purchase enough food for five thousand people! There is no way to feed these people.

“Go and see.” Place what you have in My hands, child.

Jesus takes the five loaves and two fish and 1) looks up to heaven with faith and 2) gives thanks.

All five thousand were completely satisfied.

I wonder, perhaps if you have been waking up like me, feeling as though you do not have enough and maybe do not feel like enough, what your five loaves and two fish are. What do you look at as not enough?

Jesus looks at what you have and is proud. He is so pleased with you! He loves when you lay what you have at His feet and trust Him. It makes His heart leap. He will partner with you and lead you in perfect time to create a harvest of righteousness from your five loaves and two fish. And it will make for a freaking amazing story.

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives” (Psalm 37:23). It reminds me of the Maverick City Music lyric, baby steps, my child. To you it may be nothing but you make daddy proud.”

And by living out of our identities, allowing our hearts to soak in the fact that we are children of God, beloved, made with His breath of purpose in our lungs, holy and righteous no matter what we have ever done or will ever do — we allow ourselves to live as we were made to —

— to love our Father, to love our neighbors fully, to restfully pursue the call on your heart and find a life marked by peace, contentment, and inexplicable joy.

Trinity Hammons