tough.

to be real and raw as I always want to be, it's been tough. Life. School. Maintaining friendships and certain relationships with people in my life. I'm unsure if it's better honestly. Or if I am just typing this because you haven't heard from me in so long.

Emotions are defined as a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others. Emotions can be blessings. They can be good, yet when we obsess over them, they can easily become a burden. Recently, I have been clinging to my own will because of my emotions. When I was uncomfortable, when I was made felt unworthy, and even when someone responded with something I didn't expect. In these moments, it was extremely hard to rely on my own strength much less abiding in Gods. If you haven't been in a place or situation like this before, I hate to spoil it but you will. your will, will fail if it isn't aligned with His. Sometimes we get so caught up in how we feel that we neglect to ponder how it must make God feel. How it doesn't even honor him. How does endless worry honor God? It doesn't. It literally screams that I'd rather be in control than the author of my life. How does raging anger honor God? Anger is an emotion that we all face. My anger can manifest itself in ways that are so incredible vile and ruthless. That is who I am. I am a person that lets my anger build up, rarely wanting to take it before Jesus because somehow I convince myself that I can handle it on my own. However, when we do. Isn't it so freeing. When we finally do it. we finally let go of our pride and we lay it down. I read something that other day that said, "It's like somehow I have successfully hidden parts of myself that are bad from God, that somehow He doesn't know." How freeing to know, that He KNOWS. I can't hide anything, I don't have to bury those feelings and thoughts, because He knows and all I have to do is lay it before him.

let not your emotions control you. let Christ consume you instead. What a beautiful portrait, having your every move being swayed by the Kingship of Christ- the most compassionate, grace filled, loving, forgiving, empathizing, justice filled, being ever. When your emotions are heavy and quite loud, take your burden to Jesus. Rest in His word. Recount his good deeds and how He has always came through. You're not alone in this fight, no matter what lie your feelings are telling you. Christ is with us.